Cutest Engineer Ever

Every time it's close to someone's birthday around here the department finds it necessary to send around some bogus birthday card in a "secret" manila folder for everyone to sign (when I was a kid I used to think it was "vanilla". I couldn't figure out the connection between "vanilla" and a folder that has a nice tab on the side - a tab that gives the folder an identity. How absolutely orderly and comforting! I finally settled on the theory that it had something to do with the color of the folder - you can imagine how confused I was when "vanilla" folders came out in various colors.) Within the "secret" manila folder is not only the bogus birthday card but also a sheet of paper with everyone's names (except, of course, the special birthday boy/girl) and a check-mark box indicating whether you have signed the card. This is to ensure that no one has been slighted or over looked. Lately the birthday cards have been some Ansel Adams type photo on the front and blank inside - you would never recognize this card as representing birthday greetings. I've concluded that they (admin support) bought a nice box of these cards to prevent one more outing to buy one card for just one more worker-bee in the office, which brings me to my point. What is the god damned point in giving a birthday card that everyone was forced to sign? There's nothing special about it; it's not genuine - the special birthday boy/girl knows everyone had to sign it for fear of being considered a party-pooper or spoiled-sport. It's just more paper work for people to fill out. To be honest, I could give a shit less if it's someone's birthday - I mean, sure, if I'm working with you and you tell me that today is your birthday, I'm more than happy to wish you a good one - if I like you, I may even ask what special plans you got going on for the day. But that's where it ends. Please don't expect me to come up with a nice little birthday idiom to write in this bogus birthday card - I get stressed - I feel I most say something original - something that is specific to you. It pains me to write down the same thing that's already been written by everyone else.

I've already made most aware that I do not wish to have a birthday card from the whole department - it's not necessary. In fact, the thought of reading all those birthday messages until nausea takes hold of my special birthday body, in hopes of finding something original, specific to me, distinguishable from the others, makes me cringe. I think they're going to give me a birthday card anyway for fear of starting a precedent. Which then spawns another dilemma - what do I do with that damned card? Do I tack it up to my bulletin board in my office showing my "appreciation"? Or can I just throw the damn thing into the recycling trash can?